The Problem With Perfection: How Chasing Flawless Almost Ruined My Life

I used to think perfection was a good thing; that having the perfect career, the perfect body, the perfect everything meant I was doing life right. Spoiler: it didn’t.

And maybe you’ve felt that too?!? That quiet pressure to have it all together, alllll the time. To show up a certain way, look a certain way, achieve more, be more. But here’s the question I wish I had asked myself years ago: What does “perfect” even mean? Who decides when we’ve arrived there?

In this post, I’m breaking down why perfectionism holds us back, how to spot it in your own life, and the practical ways you can start letting go—so you can be yourself, feel less trapped by fear and self-judgment, and live your best life (with me 😊).

Why Perfectionism Holds Us Back

Whenever someone asked me to describe myself, I proudly used to respond, “I am a perfectionist,” as if it was a badge of honor. Now don’t get me wrong—I think it’s great to have ambition and high standards for yourself. But if we take a deeper look into why the need for perfection, it’s often rooted in fear—of failing, fear of judgment, and even fear of not being enough. Which is so crazy, because the people judging us are often the people that matter the least.

Here are some of the subtle ways that perfectionism shows up in our lives:

• You delay or never start a project because it has to be flawless.

• You overthink every decision.

• You hide your work, your ideas, or even yourself from the world.

I’ve lived this. Years ago, I was a practicing lawyer in Los Angeles — a city obsessed with image. On paper, everything looked perfect, but perfectionism made me feel trapped, exhausted, and small. Later, my 15-year battle with bulimia and binge eating disorder taught me the same lesson: chasing an “ideal body” was never about health or beauty; it was fear wearing the mask of control.

A Turning Point: Learning to Let Go

One of the first cracks in my perfectionism came unexpectedly in 2015, when I started my Instagram account as a hobby. I had no followers, no expectations, no pressure. I started posting my messy kitchen experiments, imperfect recipes, and “ugly” food photos, and nobody cared (yet).

In that freedom, I realized something crucial: when we remove the pressure coming at us from so many different angles, creativity, confidence, and joy flourish.

That tiny shift, where I was posting for myself, without expectation or validation from anyone, eventually grew into a career I love: recipe development, cookbook authorship, and connecting with over 4 million followers.

The takeaway? Letting go of perfection opens doors we don’t even see.

Now, any time I feel my old perfectionist mentality creep back in, and trust me it does, I remind myself of the early days and pretend like no one is watching.

Little Ways You Can Start Letting Go

Here are the practical mental shifts that helped me (and that can help you) if you are struggling with perfectionism:

1. Remember, done > perfect. Completion teaches more than hesitation ever will. Start, finish, and learn from the experience, even if it’s messy.

2. Mistakes are feedback, not verdicts. Every “failure” is data, not a condemnation. Use mistakes to pivot, adjust, and grow.

3. Self-compassion beats self-criticism. Perfectionism thrives on shame. Replace “I should have done better” with “I’m learning.” It breaks the loop.

4. Start before you’re ready. Waiting for the perfect moment is an illusion—every single successful entrepreneur will tell you this, so listen to them. Action creates clarity and momentum and you can refine and iterate as you go.

5. Reduce comparison, increase creation. Scrolling can fuel perfectionism. Focus on your own work, progress, and expression.

Tools That Helped Me Shift My Mindset

I wanted to share a few of my favorite resources for when the perfectionist voice creeps in and you need a little extra motivation (I personally think every single person should own all 3 of these items!).

1. The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown—this book is SO GOOD!! It is all about learning to embrace our humanity, not our “shoulds,” and will be part of your book collection forever.

2. Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert. Did you guys read or watch the movie Eat, Pray, Love? This book is written by the same author, so you know it’s going to be entertaining. She discusses the attitudes, approaches, and habits we need in order to live our most creative lives in a really fun and approachable way.

3. The Five-Minute Journal—I have been using this for maybe 3 years now. It is such a SIMPLE journal, which is why I love it. It’s a simple daily check-in that reinforces progress over perfection. Also makes a great gift!

If This Resonates

Maybe you’re in a season where things feel messy, or the gap between vision and reality feels impossibly wide. Remember: that’s the space where growth, creativity, and authenticity happen. Letting go of perfection does NOT mean settling; it means freeing yourself to move, create, and live fully.

Chime in below and let me know what you thought of this post and any personal tidbits you’d like to share with the community!